I was thinking about how I never write letters anymore. To myself, or to others. I used to write some epic emails! It’s too bad you didn’t know me then.
I wonder if I’m still capable. What would I even write about? I mean, it’s not like I was writing anything epically interesting. My 20s were equally dull, I just felt them a little harder.
Let’s see. What’s now?
This morning I was thinking about how my office blocks gchat, and I don’t ever miss it.
While it is something that may have made me feel disconnected up to even a few years (months?) ago, i kind of enjoy the silence. I indulge when I’m working from home but find I’m not really having many real time conversations anymore. Which is funny because I used to have most of my conversations on gchat. I guess calls and texting has replaced gchat for me.
It’s all the same, really.
I’m trying to reset my internal clock to become a morning person. I was up at 4 am yesterday, and 6:30 am today. It’s going to take awhile, I think. I’ve always been a night owl, so while I don’t think my behavior is unchangeable, it’s going to be some hard work.
For the first time probably ever, I am focusing on specific health goals and trying to become less concentrated on a scale for progress. Disengaging the part of my brain that is focused on a number feels next to impossible. Based on a friendly rec, I’m looking into mindful eating. Have you heard of this new age business? I hope it tastes better than McDonald’s.
I’m running again. For background, I did couch to 5k in 2008 or so, when I needed a sense of control over my life because I was in a relationship with someone who probably always had one foot out the door. And my gut was telling me this and my brain and heart ignored it and took up running. I ran 5ks and then 10ks and a couple of other Ks. In 2009 I did a half marathon and then I quit because that kind of mileage burnt me out. Now I’m running for me. There are a lot of health benefits and I think if I stay under 10k I’ll be able to like it enough to keep it going. But I have to get to 5k first, I’m basically starting over. Running on a treadmill has to be one of my least favorite ways to break a sweat. I had set a goal to build my endurance back up but I have to wonder if there’s another way. I do love winter but I really miss my bike.
Now that I have a slightly better work/life balance, there’s a small part of me that wants to freelance. Now that i am experiencing some job satisfaction, I want to spend my free time picking up extra work. Think about that for a minute. Is that the most fucked up thing I’ve ever typed?
No. It certainly isn’t.